i can't stop crying. the tears stay right there behind my eyes, waiting for the moment that my breath will catch and i won't be able to hold them in. they don't have long to wait, these days.

today was fine. it went fine, i was impressed with my acting skills, and impressed at the progress we've all made towards true poker faces in fucked-up situations. i'm alive, still.

right now i feel like i just want to curl up in a ball and cry til i'm asleep. instead, i'm making a dance party mix for EJs. all i ate for dinner was a half quesadilla and three pints of beer.