(in a meeting about outreach for a program that my work is running on leadership for girls and young women. several outreach opportunities/networks have been discussed - i'll be reaching out to university and off-campus activist, blogs, cegeps, women's studies listservs, my friends/acquantainces. a question occurs to me)

me: wait, can i just ask a quick question?

exec direc: yep, sure

me: ok so i know that we're mandated to be trans inclusive, but i'm just wondering how trans people fit into our outreach plan: like i'm thinking of some pretty awesome activists, but they don't necessarily identify as girls - how does this fit in?
(people start jumping in)

1: well, i don't know..

2: it's never happened..

3: well it is supposed to be a safe space - if a person is, how do you say, man-bodied, then girls might not feel like they're in a safe space...

ED: well we are a gender specific organization, so if people don't identify with that then... anyway, i don't think that this is something we really need to struggle with right now

me (pacifying): no, certainly -

2: since we only have 10 minutes left in the meeting

me: yeah, i don't think we need to talk about this right now - i just think that we do need to figure that out in the larger scheme of our organization..

ED: well, and yes, i think that this is the deal: we are gender specific, there is a need for gender specific spaces for girls to feel safe in, and if people identify with that then they should definitely apply

2: yeah, i mean, a case-by-case basis..

ED: yes, i don't think we need a hard and fast policy, like "these people can be here, these people can't" - we just need to let people apply as needed....let it all be fluid, like queer theory (looking at me placatingly)

me: mm hmm.

*******

i mean ultimately, i'd guessed that some of the new people we had hired probably had no grasp of trans issues at all. as the janice raymond-esque comment by person 3 showed, i was right. the last trans 101 that happened here was 2 years ago, before i joined the organization...and we've hired like 6 new people since then. i think most of them are pretty trans-friendly, but some of them are just ignorant.

i had offered a couple of weeks ago to provide a trans 101 for the office, and my boss (ED) said she thought that would be fine - and i talked to her about it again today after the meeting and she agreed that we could definitely make time to do it.

the really interesting thing is that i know at least one of the other people in the room is friends with trans folk; like, good friends. and she didn't speak up at all. i felt like i was the only one in the room freaking out about that comment, and that even as an ally i didn't have any allies.

i love grey days like this one, with a slight chill in the air and rain coming but the streets still dry and a small wind that pushes bits of bangs into eyes while i fly down pavement on a bike that weighs next to nothing. and seeing the lights change and cars go, and standing up to slow down, pushing my weight back and trying to find a trackstand until i fall over.

i think this (borrowed) bike is why i dreamed last night that i was paddling: a tiny little racing C-1 pushing myself up river, muscle memories of the stretch in the arm and the satisfaction of pulling water back with your whole body, feeling it support you.

but lately i've felt off. sick, as usual, but dopey, stoned, like i can't open my eyes and don't want to talk to people. i shake it off occasionally and run around my city and catch every queer concert/dance party/zine launch that i can but then i'm back into hibernation and now is not the time. i need to be in this grey day with the wind in my face and the rain clouds menacing but instead i curl up, try to keep my eyes open, and remind myself that it's summer.