i love grey days like this one, with a slight chill in the air and rain coming but the streets still dry and a small wind that pushes bits of bangs into eyes while i fly down pavement on a bike that weighs next to nothing. and seeing the lights change and cars go, and standing up to slow down, pushing my weight back and trying to find a trackstand until i fall over.

i think this (borrowed) bike is why i dreamed last night that i was paddling: a tiny little racing C-1 pushing myself up river, muscle memories of the stretch in the arm and the satisfaction of pulling water back with your whole body, feeling it support you.

but lately i've felt off. sick, as usual, but dopey, stoned, like i can't open my eyes and don't want to talk to people. i shake it off occasionally and run around my city and catch every queer concert/dance party/zine launch that i can but then i'm back into hibernation and now is not the time. i need to be in this grey day with the wind in my face and the rain clouds menacing but instead i curl up, try to keep my eyes open, and remind myself that it's summer.