a line's been running through my head -

'your body is a metaphor'

but i can't help but want to modify it...'and a machine, an animal, a trap.'

so funny the split that allows us to know that we're only flesh and blood but think so much better of ourselves..

i feel overwhelmed and not for any of the good reasons i could have - i'm tired of having numbers thrown at me and tidying the tangled logic of others. tired of being the responsible one, the one who's always organizing the next step, making the phone calls and confirming attendance.

i do it for pay, i do it for free and i can't manage it for myself.

i need friend cuddles and to not have to organise things for just a minute. i need to hang out with someone more like me in this respect than i am - but i only know one person like that and she's off limits.