i just finished my ninth vampire novel in the last 10 or so days, and i'm left wondering at my own obsessiveness. not that there was much else i could do here, as i wait for almost all of my mothers 5 siblings to descend upon my sister's house, but i'm not sure that i could have done anything else until i was done that book. it was hard enough trying to go to sleep last night only 8 chapters in.

last night keegan accused me of not living in the real world, of dismissing people based on their sexuality and gender (meaning that she thought i would never make friends with straight men). i bristled, for sure, but managed to take it down a notch from a yelling match with to a discussion/explanation of why i put my energy where i do - my explanation being that it is important for me to be a part of a community of people who have an understanding of where i'm coming from, at least in terms of gender stuff and queer stuff and anti-racist stuff and anti-oppression stuff in general, and the fact that i couldn't truly escape the what she terms the 'real world' even if i tried. i have to navigate it every day.

also, i tried to tease out what she meant by the 'real world,' tried to show her that it was 'real' and easy to navigate only for those who fit a perfect norm: that people of colour, queers, gender non-conformers, people with disabilities, even women, come out of navigating the 'real world' with stories that show the way they have to shimmy through that world. stories about racism, stories about fucked-up assumptions, stories about parts of that 'real world' being inaccessible to them.

what i didn't say last night but would add now is this: i've spent my whole life in that world, and i don't like how it works, so i've worked hard on building my community, building friendships and chosen family and closeness. it's not escapism to try to create a better one by living in it, it's revolution.