reading posts about abortion, nowadays, can occasionally feel like hearing about someone else's problem. as a queer, i don't foresee any pregnancy scares - i don't have to worry about taking my pill, and if the latex of a glove rips i'm not counting back to my last period.

but sometimes, especially when reading a post that's especially well-written, or one that goes into the specific emotional trauma of an abortion, i remember. i remember that one boy and that one night and that one broken condom. i remember crying and being terrified and feeling like i had no control over my body, like i was being taken over. i cried again with relief when i found out that i could get the morning-after pill in the city and province i was in, but still didn't sleep until i could get it in the morning.

i journal because i feel sometimes like i'll forget my whole life if i don't write it down - but checking back through my journals from that year, i never mentioned it.

much as i love children, it's terrifying the way that anyone with a functioning uterus is at risk of having to go through this specific fear, and then be judged as a sinner and a killer and a slut for protecting their life as they know it.